The Misadventures of the Labyrinth
by Beware the Penguins in Suits
Summary: Two alcoholics. A guy with tight pants. Inside jokes. What more could you want? Oh and of course the two girls hate kids , just as much as they hate summaries. Just a bit of boredom fun.
1. Chapter 1

The Misadventures of the Labyrinth

**The Misadventures of the Labyrinth**

Chapter one

**AN:….my friend and I have just watched this movie…found his pants hysterical…lot's of inside jokes. Interested in one review :D.**

_It was a dark stormy night- _**No it wasn't! It was sunny! Tell it right! **

…_it was a warm sunny day, Laura and I (I'm Kara by the way :D) we were skipping in the meadow. _

The scenery was beautiful, green grass, clear blue sky. It was a beautiful day. The picture was made perfect when two young girls came into the scene. One was short compared to the other, her short brown hair swished from side to side as she skipped. Her arms were linked with a long haired blonde. Their blue eyes glittered with happiness and mischief. The beautiful scene came to a halt as they stopped and started talking.

"…why are we skipping in a meadow?" the brunette asked, a confused look came across her face.

"Because we needed a way to start the story…" the blonde answered. This confused the brunette farther.

"..what story? Oh my god!! There is an owl!" Kara screamed.

"We should send a message to HARRY POTTER!" Laura screamed back.

Unfortunately their screaming scared the owl and it flew away.

"Aww it flew away…this is your fault." Laura said wanting to start a fight

"Was not!"

"Was to!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, you hang up!" Kara shouted making the argument come to a halt as the German was confused.

"…What? That makes no sense! We aren't on the phone!" Laura replied

"….aren't we meant to be somewhere?" Kara asked, looking at the giant clock in the distant.

"…weren't we meant to do something today? Oh well not important!" With that said they again linked arms and started to skip once again.

The peace was again disturbed by a loud ringing coming from Kara's pocket.

"Oh! I'm vibrating!" She grinned, pulling a pink mobile from her pocket. "Hello?"

"we are in the meadow…opps…yeah…umm do I have to?... you used to be cool dad…fine I guess we can look after the twerp…can you get us some redbull and vodka?...pleeeeease?...i'll be your best friend!...so, I'll be your best friend instead of your daughter…I love you?...THANK YOU DADDY!...see you soon"

"so…who was that?" Laura asked the obvious

"Dad….he wants us to baby sit my cousin…" Kara sighed.

A look of horror appeared on Laura's face. Then it was almost like you could see the lightbulb as she got a fantastic idea.

"We should teach him the wrong colours!!" Laura squealed

"Why would we do that?

"Because when you learn the wrong colours as a child you will never learn it right"

"That sounds great! Lets destroy his life! YAY!"

The two girls then proceeded to turn around and skip towards Kara's home.

* * *

The house was dark when they made it home.

"Mum, dad I'm home!"

Silence. The two girls started to get scared. They clutched onto each other and moved towards the kitchen. They moved slowly to the fridge. Opened it. There inside was vodka and redbull. They sighed. While Laura prepared the drinks, Kara found a note saying.

_Hey Girls_

_Matthews already asleep, redbull and vodka is in the fridge. Have a good night, please don't destroy the house we'll be back tomorrow._

_Kisses _

_Mum_

"I found a note" Kara says. Picking it up.

Laura hands Kara a drink, just as they are about to take a swig she says.

"Alcohol destroys brain cells" Both girls looked at each other, grinned then downed their drinks.

The party was suddenly ruined by a certain child screaming his head off.

"I thought the note said he was a sleep…Mum's a liar, she lied to me! I can't believe she lied!"

"No, no this is our chance!"

"Our chance?"

"Our chance"

"TO TEACH HIM WRONG COLOURS!" The two girls scream in unison.

They venture upstairs, following the screams of the baby.

"Hey Matthew see this RED blanket? It's red! You like red don't you?" Kara says holding up a blue blanket.

The screaming continues.

"I would scream too if I was wearing pink pajamas like you do." Laura says pointing at his green pajamas.

The screams continue.

"This is boooooring!" Kara moans

"…Let's sing our song!" Laura grins, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Child of the wilderness

Born into emptiness

Learn to be lonely

Learn to find your way through darkness.

Who will be there for you?

Comfort and care for you?

Learn to be lonely

Learn to be your one companion"

Screams continue.

"Oh my god! I wish the goblins would come and take you away!" Kara screams

"Goblins kara?" Laura asks sceptically

"Yes goblins….do you wanna fight?"

"No lets just drink more…."

"Okay"

The two girls leave the room to get the alcohol out of the kitchen. They notice that the screaming suddenly stops.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm" Kara hmm's.

"What?"

"No screaming….Let's have a party" Kara says pulling out a silly dance move.

"I just realized….i left my glass in his room" Laura says, pulling a sad face.

The two girls venture upstairs and hear creepy music.

"Where the fuck is that music coming from?" Kara wonders

"How can the baby sleep with that music on?" Laura wonders

"Eh ignore it…just grab your glass." Kara accepts it.

Laura grabs her glass ignoring all the goblins around her, trying to hide. **They fail at hiding.** When she notices something at the window!

"OH MY GOD! HEDWIG IS BACK!" Laura screams.

"…she must have a note for us from Harry." Kara grins. "Wait a second….where's the baby?"

"Who cares?"

"We haven't taught him the wrong colours properly…"

"Maybe Harry borrowed it?"

"Why would Harry borrow a baby?" Kara wondered

"I don't know….your the fan you tell me!"

Their conversation is disturbed by the glass door opening and some random guy with tight pants coming in.

"…who are you? Why are your pants so tight?...i'm hungry" Kara says losing interest in him very quickly.

Laura moves beside Kara and whispers loudly so the whole room can hear

"I can see his dick!"

"To bad we can't see his shoulders" Kara whispers back. The two girls break down into hysterical giggles

The weirdo at the window clears his throat. They both look at him.

"Hey…What are you wearing? Wink wink." Laura giggles. Kara cracks up beside her and falls to the ground.

"…What?" The weirdo speaks!

"Oh my god? You can speak too? WE MUST BE TWINS!" Kara squeals.

"I am Jareth, the goblin king!"

The girls blink.

"Cooooooooool….were did Hedwig go?" Laura wonders

"Maybe she disapperated" Kara answers.

"Maybe…."

The goblin king interrupts again.

"Jesus! I'm the fucking owl! And I stole the fucking child!"

"Woah! You are so angry! Calm down psycho!" Kara says.

"You are so mean! We wanted to teach him the wrong colours!" Laura yells

"Why?" The goblin king questions.

"What do you think?! To ruin his life of course!" Laura says, with kara in the background saying "derrrrr"

"You will ruin his life if you leave him with me."

"Awwwww but that's less fun!" The girls whine.

"I want him back!"

"Give him back or we will take a picture of your pants and post them on the internet...ruining your life" Evil laughter follows.

"How would that ruin my life? I think they are rather sexy" Jareth says upfronted.

"Well we weren't complaining….wink wink" Kara says winking at him and grinning.

"You have to solve my labyrinth if you want the child back! You have 13 hours"

"I've got the vodka" Laura says "We are ready to leave!"

"I guess so…we don't have anything to do for the next 13 hours…" Kara accepts it…again.


	2. Chapter 2

The Misadventures of the Labyrinth

**The Misadventures of the Labyrinth**

Chapter two

**An: So this is the second and last chapter…we kinda got bored of writing it…enjoy!! :D Remember wondering about an inside joke? Review and you shall know!**

As they opened their eyes, they found them self in a strange place with strange red light around them.

"Wow where did you take us Hedwig?" Laura asked turning around to the weirdo with the tights.

"My name is Jareth!"

"Do I look like I care,…and by the way! I can see your dick!" Laura laughs.

"But we're not complaining! Wink wink" Kara laughs.

Before he can answer to these insults, Kara already carries on.

"While we on the subject of your fashion sense… What the fuck is up with your make up??"

"It looks gay, I'm female and I don't even wear make up like that! Your gay!!" Laura joins in.

"STOP!!" The weirdo yells.

"No you stop!" Laura yells back.

"Do you guys ever shut up?!"

"No you shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!" Kara argues.

"Are you done yet?"

"I love you!" Kara says sweetly.

Hedwig also known as weirdo turns bright red in the face with anger.

"Oh my god! You are just as annoying as blockhead!! Just try to get to my castle in the middle of the labyrinth and you'll get the kid back" The loser which we can't remember the name of yells.

"But I love Blockhead" Kara whines.

The weirdo doesn't answer and just turns into the owl again and leaves.

"See ya Hedwig" Laura calls after him.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" Kara hm's.

"I think we should have another drink."

"Wow I think so too!!"

"Oh my god!!"

"We must be twins!!" both of them say together.

Half an hour and a bottle of vodka later:

"Hey, hey,… look there is a labyrinth." Laura points out.

"Woooooooo,… Let's wander around in it!"

"Ok!" And the two drunken girls made their way to the labyrinth.

The two girls walk towards the labyrinth, stumbling as they do. They reach it and wander along until the find a dwarf thing.

"Oh my god! You are so ugly! Can you help us ugly one?" Laura says laughing her little butt off.

"OH MY GOD! FARIES!...let's kill them."

Suddenly a door appears next to them.

"I hope you get lost. Stupid humans" The ugly thing says.

"YAY A DOOR!" Kara squeals.

"Cooooooooooooooooollll!! Let's have an adventure!!"

"Let's have an adventure Laura, AN ADVENTURE!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!"

The two drunk girls again stumble towards the door…falling over a few times. Kara tries to open the door.

"Laura help me this door is heavy!!...I love you"

"No you don't…you just want me for sex" Laura says as she opens the door.

"How did you know?! I thought I hid that secret perfectly!"

"I can read your mind…"

"Oh my god really? What am I thinking right now?!"

"You can tell me to my face

or even on the phone

you can write it a letter

either way I have to know."

"…Holy shit I did think that!!"

"I told you so!...you were humming"

"I was? Huh what do you know…."

The two girls walk down the long long long long corridor thingy.

"We have been walking for like a million hours!!"

"…why are we still wearing clothes?"

"So we can say what are you wearing wink wink"

"Oh yeah!...my shoulders are exposed, I'm going to get so pregnant now."

At that moment they were interrupted by a blue worm.

"Stop walking!" the blue worm says

"No you stop…"

"Oh my god a talking worm!!...I'm thinker than I'm drunk!"

"…don't you mean I'm drunker than I thought…"

"Wow how did you know that?"

"I can read your mind!"

They again are interrupted by the talking worm.

"There are lots of openings, there is one right there!" It says

"Hey thanks Mr wormy dude!"

The two girls move towards the opening and turn right to start walking.

"No don't go that way! Never go that way!"

"…I'm going to go that way just to spite you now. And there is nothing you can do about it!" Kara screams, storming off. Laura follows flipping the worm off.

"Hey! We're at the castle!" Kara squeals.

"Boooooooooooring….Let's be ninjas!" Laura squeals back.

"YAY!" Kara squeals…again. _We like to squeal._

The two girls then proceed to act like ninjas and snuck very skillfully up to the castle and into the throne room. The goblins didn't even notice because of their awesome ninja skills. Kara snuck up behind the weirdo in tights and proceeded to jump on him yelling;

"HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!...What are you wearing? Wink wink"

"Gah get off me!"

"b-b-but I love you! Why do you hate me!" Kara cries, sobbing into his hair.

"That is so unfair!"

The goblin king sighs.

"Let's just finish this stupidity! Can I rule you? If you allow me to rule you, I will be your slave."

"What the fuck?! How does that work? Do you like tell me what to order you to do? You make no sense!" The German girl is confused again.

"You're stupid….can I have my cousin back?" Kara asks

"Can I keep one of you?" The weirdo asks

"No" laura says

"Ohhhhh why not? That isn't fair!" He whines.

"Oh your such a fag! Go straighten your hair!"

"Have a peach" Kara says randomly.

"Take the fucking kid and go!" He yells.

"How do we leave? Oh by the way I can see your dick!" Laura squeals.

Suddenly they were back home.

"How did we get here? Is this my house?...I'm hungry."

"Oh look out the window! There is Hedwig! Maybe Harry has a message for us!"

"Booooooooooring!...wonder what's on tv…"

And so they skipped off and watched tv. Matthew grew up leanring the wrong colours, was bullied at school and turned into the phantom of the opera who kills a lot of people. Maybe they should have left him with the weirdo in tight pants. What do YOU think?

p.s: What are you wearing?

**The End**


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